How to unspoil Children

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Some possible Causes of spoilt children

  1. Permissive parenting or yes parenting.
  2. Over indulging children with material things.
  3. Not knowing how to go aboutdisciplining children.
  4. Parents who are too tired or overworked to discipline or spend time with children.
  5. Making empty threats or being inconsistent with rules.
  6. Fear of angering children or damaging their self-esteem.
  7. Fear of being disliked by the children.
  8. The avoidance of tantrums.

While these are seemingly great displays of love; children who have never heard the word no are most likely to grow up to be irresponsible and unappreciative adults. When we attempt to save kids from frustration, we deny kids the ability to soothe themselves. They don’t learn how to cope with difficulty or solve problems.

Signs of a spoilt brat

  1. Throwing tantrums, hitting, grabbing, whining or defiance. They are usually rude, selfish and controlling. They are insensitive and will embarrass you in public.
  2. They are disruptive and disrespectful.
  3. They are constantly bored, have no creative use of time, and are never satisfied.
  4. They have no gratitude.
  5. They do not help out with chores.
  6. They will not share with others, instead they show off.
  7. They have no healthy social life and find difficulty forming friendships.
  8. They have problems with authority; they don’t like others bossing them around.

Consequences for the Child

  1. Young children grow up way too quickly when they’re given everything they want.
  2. Spoilt children often develop unpleasant personality traits which impacts on their ability to form healthy relationships.
  3. Feeling entitled to everything because they’ve never had to work for anything.
  4. Difficult to please because they’re used to getting what they want.
  5. Self-absorbed because they’ve been led to believe that the world revolves around them.
  6. Irresponsible because they’ve never had to deal with the consequences of their actions.
  7. Inability to deal with disappointment which may lead to depression and substance abuse.
  8. Inability to manage finances which often leads to financial difficulty in later years.

Consequences for the parent

  1. The stress of having to deal with children who have behavioral problems
  2. The financial strain which results from continually spending beyond your means
  3. Depression, as a result of being unable to make your children happy

How to unspoil a child

  1. Identify the behavior and pattern behind it. Find out if it can be attributed to a lack of disciplining children, mere child pleasing, mismanagement of resources or a case of attempting to heal childhood wounds through children. Work on resolving that, however this is a gradual process that may take some time.
  2. Say no more often. Encourage children to self soothe; this teaches them in the long run how to cope with difficulty and solve problems.
  3. Set rules, be consistent in enforcing them, there may be a meltdown, but don’t break your own rules, or make empty threats. Do not apologize for your expectations or give in to the whining.  Follow through with consequences.
  4. Differentiate between needs and wants and cut back on unnecessary stuff.

 

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